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64damn_prompts
Title: Carry on Nursey
Author: Gatty
Rating: PG for Jiraiya being himself.
Pairings/Characters: Jiraiya, Tsunade
Warnings: The horror of Carry On films got into my head, then demanded to be written. Then it mated with Flasheart from Blackadder. Terrible things were born. Awful puns. Lewd humour. If you don't know what Carry On films are, count yourself lucky. And I stole a quote from Blackadder.
Prompt: #38 fruity
Tsunade sighed and sat back in the lumpy hospital chair. It dug into her back just between her shoulder blades. The room was as pokey and inconducive to recuperation as any hospital room ever was. Jiraiya was spilling over the edges of his narrow bed, itching to pull the drips from his hand.
“Stop picking at it,” Tsunade said, shooting him a reproachful look.
“Fine.” Jiraiya dropped his hand onto the bedspread, leaving the large area of bandaging around the elbow of his other arm. “But it’s itchy.”
“You don’t want it to scar,” she replied practically, watching his face go through a series of contortions as he weighed up the level of itchiness with the full horror of elbow scarring.
“Scars are sexy,” he offered eventually, wrinkling his nose.
“That one won’t be, trust me. I did the surgery.” She looked at him sternly, pushing a few strands of blonde hair out of her face. She had done the surgery, removing the shattered fragments of a sword from his upper arm and elbow joint. He had won, though, as he had told her, chattering away as she’d given him a local anaesthetic to inspect the wound before ordering him under the knife.
“All right, you win, I’ll be good.” Jiraiya pulled a face at her, and busied his hand with pulling grapes off the bunch next to his bed. “Feed me?” he asked hopefully, throwing a grape at her.
“Sod off.” She flung the grape back at him and it hit him in the eye.
“I hate you,” he said mournfully, slumping back into his pillows, and popped the grape into his mouth.
“Alas.”
Jiraiya munched his way through half the bunch before the door opened, admitting a buxom nurse balancing a tray of food.
“Yum,” Jiraiya sat up in the hospital bed, a wide smile spreading across his face.
Tsunade rolled her eyes. Jiraiya was beaming like a puppy and bouncing slightly.
“And how are we today?” asked the nurse in an objectionably giggly voice that only made Jiraiya grin wider.
“Much better,” he replied, not taking her eyes from her ample chest for a moment.
She tittered and proffered him the tray.
“I’ll just pop this down here, shall I?” She leant over to put the food on the far bedside table, giving him a faceful of breast in the process.
Beaming, she tucked his covers in around him. Tsunade could have sworn she heard a faint gurgling from Jiraiya.
She made a mental note to sack the girl and give the rest of the nursing staff a speech on self-respect.
She bent over to check the monitors by his bed, the tight white material of her short skirt displaying a tantalising amount of thigh. Her bottom wiggled as she adjusted dials.
“Deary me. Have you been naughty? This is all in a mess. Have you been fiddling with your knob?”
Jiraiya seemed to go into spasms of delight.
“Oooh, nursey, I like It firm and fruity,” he said sleazily, and squeezed her bum with his good hand.
To Tsunade’s sheer incomprehension, all the girl did was shriek surprisedly then giggle so much it seemed like she was having a fit. Well, she supposed Jiraiya was vaguely attractive, but please. He was the walking embodiment of sexual harassment.
He tried to pull the girl into his lap, but she swatted him off and tottered out of the room. Tsunade restrained herself from beating Jiraiya for the smug look that was plastered over his face.
“You’re awful.”
He ignored her. “See? The women, they just flock to me. It’s pheromones. I smell like a real man. I smell potent. Don’t I smell potent?”
Tsunade opened her mouth to reply, smirking.
“Wait.” He threw one of the remaining grapes down her cleavage. “Don’t answer that.”
64damn_promptsTitle: Carry on Nursey
Author: Gatty
Rating: PG for Jiraiya being himself.
Pairings/Characters: Jiraiya, Tsunade
Warnings: The horror of Carry On films got into my head, then demanded to be written. Then it mated with Flasheart from Blackadder. Terrible things were born. Awful puns. Lewd humour. If you don't know what Carry On films are, count yourself lucky. And I stole a quote from Blackadder.
Prompt: #38 fruity
Tsunade sighed and sat back in the lumpy hospital chair. It dug into her back just between her shoulder blades. The room was as pokey and inconducive to recuperation as any hospital room ever was. Jiraiya was spilling over the edges of his narrow bed, itching to pull the drips from his hand.
“Stop picking at it,” Tsunade said, shooting him a reproachful look.
“Fine.” Jiraiya dropped his hand onto the bedspread, leaving the large area of bandaging around the elbow of his other arm. “But it’s itchy.”
“You don’t want it to scar,” she replied practically, watching his face go through a series of contortions as he weighed up the level of itchiness with the full horror of elbow scarring.
“Scars are sexy,” he offered eventually, wrinkling his nose.
“That one won’t be, trust me. I did the surgery.” She looked at him sternly, pushing a few strands of blonde hair out of her face. She had done the surgery, removing the shattered fragments of a sword from his upper arm and elbow joint. He had won, though, as he had told her, chattering away as she’d given him a local anaesthetic to inspect the wound before ordering him under the knife.
“All right, you win, I’ll be good.” Jiraiya pulled a face at her, and busied his hand with pulling grapes off the bunch next to his bed. “Feed me?” he asked hopefully, throwing a grape at her.
“Sod off.” She flung the grape back at him and it hit him in the eye.
“I hate you,” he said mournfully, slumping back into his pillows, and popped the grape into his mouth.
“Alas.”
Jiraiya munched his way through half the bunch before the door opened, admitting a buxom nurse balancing a tray of food.
“Yum,” Jiraiya sat up in the hospital bed, a wide smile spreading across his face.
Tsunade rolled her eyes. Jiraiya was beaming like a puppy and bouncing slightly.
“And how are we today?” asked the nurse in an objectionably giggly voice that only made Jiraiya grin wider.
“Much better,” he replied, not taking her eyes from her ample chest for a moment.
She tittered and proffered him the tray.
“I’ll just pop this down here, shall I?” She leant over to put the food on the far bedside table, giving him a faceful of breast in the process.
Beaming, she tucked his covers in around him. Tsunade could have sworn she heard a faint gurgling from Jiraiya.
She made a mental note to sack the girl and give the rest of the nursing staff a speech on self-respect.
She bent over to check the monitors by his bed, the tight white material of her short skirt displaying a tantalising amount of thigh. Her bottom wiggled as she adjusted dials.
“Deary me. Have you been naughty? This is all in a mess. Have you been fiddling with your knob?”
Jiraiya seemed to go into spasms of delight.
“Oooh, nursey, I like It firm and fruity,” he said sleazily, and squeezed her bum with his good hand.
To Tsunade’s sheer incomprehension, all the girl did was shriek surprisedly then giggle so much it seemed like she was having a fit. Well, she supposed Jiraiya was vaguely attractive, but please. He was the walking embodiment of sexual harassment.
He tried to pull the girl into his lap, but she swatted him off and tottered out of the room. Tsunade restrained herself from beating Jiraiya for the smug look that was plastered over his face.
“You’re awful.”
He ignored her. “See? The women, they just flock to me. It’s pheromones. I smell like a real man. I smell potent. Don’t I smell potent?”
Tsunade opened her mouth to reply, smirking.
“Wait.” He threw one of the remaining grapes down her cleavage. “Don’t answer that.”